Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
