You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
