don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
