im six kinds of drunk right now
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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