I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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