if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
