I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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