i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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