lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
