Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
