I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
