a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap