He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
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The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
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Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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