I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
