hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
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I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
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I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.