we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you had me at cake vodka
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.