I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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