Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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