I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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