It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
