you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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