it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize