That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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