1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
