as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
