im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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