the condom got lost in my hair
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
