This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
