I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
