my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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