I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
