'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
