I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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