there was a trapeze. enough said
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
