I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
