i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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