Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
