Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
