The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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