I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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