i was rollin on her like bob the builder
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
