he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
