question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
