The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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