Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
this will be a night to untag.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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