i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
