I want to have your abortion
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
