She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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