I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
