i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
