sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
only if we run a train.
done.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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