90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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