she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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