I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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