we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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