hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
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I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
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He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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