You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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