I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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