I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
