my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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