I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
