someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
