You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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