my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
