No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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