Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
