So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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